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Monday, August 15, 2005

e' sporean blogs: What is Love?

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Exist - Hilang Dalam Ramai

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't Love, it's Like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
It isn't Love, it's Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't Love, it's Luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't Love, it's Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't Love, it's Charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then it's Love.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's Love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
Then it's Love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's Love.

But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it's Love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's Love.

Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so,why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
Because it's...
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Love
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recently, an old friend came back into my life... she's back after another friend persuades me to treat her as norm n nothing less as she is currently looking for me back... i dont know why but my friend was persistant for me to call her back.. back then, while we were still in contact, i didnt like the way she treats the other guys,.... too friendly... way too friendly and in a way had made me think that she is those "easy to get" targets....

bcoz of dat.. i had decided to stay myself away from her....

13.08.2005: we decided to meet up and catch on ol' times... changes... seen changes in her approach... no longer the girl i used to know... we had a long talk... and it took me by surprise that she never treated me as just a friend previously... how come i didnt see dat?? mayb i was just too hard headed and blinded to see anything else...

14.08.2005: eve of her birthday; asked her out at night.. knowing that she is those peeps who will take her own sweet time to get changed... i decided to impose time on her..

"5 mins after i reach and if you are still not ready, i will leave without u..."

"eh zul.. never mind... u just go ahead.. dont wait....!"

silence on the other hand.. apparently, she had hang up the phone... wtf! i was like freaking pissed... called her back.. "no answer".... called her home.. and her mum said she's out... (who the mum trying to kid! nonsense!) sms-es sent... no reply.... i was really gonna leave... and go on and meet my other friends at Jln Kayu as they are already on the way...

but something pulled me back... it wasnt rite... why was she so pissed off... and furthermore timecheck: 1135pm.... it was gonna be her birthday after all.. and i dont want to be the guy who spoils the first day of it...

SMS: "im going over at ur place.. meet u in 10mins.. im sorri bout just now... but im not gonna leave until u come down.."

i must have sounded like a stalker... but i had no choice... i dont want to be the bad one here...

1150pm... still no sign....

called her up... and in my heart there was nothing except..."please.. please.. answer the god damn phone!!"

"yes?"

"come down now.. im ady downstairs... please..."

"bye"

line went dead again... whats dat supposed to mean... what does the bye mean? bye as in... ok.. wait.. ill be coming... or bye as in... f**k off.. i dont want to meet u...

STUNNED and CLUELESS!

but i waited...

15.08.2005 : 1205am... i saw her walking down the staircase... phew!

i thought...

the whole journey.. silence...

jalan kayu... silence!

i was like almost gonna blow my top... to think that ive already tried my best to talk.. and be nice... the silent treatment is there... dont tell me just bcoz of 5 mins.. she wants to give me this attitude... come on lah.. she has to think too... i frequently waited for her previously,... 1hr? 2hrs?... and i didnt complain except just gave a fed up look... but thats onli for awhile thou...

it was only after the jalan kayu she started talking.... apparently, she just woke up when i called her... and giving her that timing just pisses her off... since she has not even took her bath... (u can just tell me and i will give a longer timing.. duh!!!) so my journey to JB wasnt that bad after all... after it all.. we came back to singapore.. and decided to have a tok.. learnt a lot bout her and her past that i didnt know... somehow or rather pitied her past....

and after a long conversation.. the topic came out again...

"so, where u see us heading?"

"ermm.. erm... im sori.. but i think we got to take it slow... for now... i see us as friends... sorri.... but who says friends cant be fun?"

lucky thing she smiled... if not i would have felt guilty!

anyway....


3 comments


he' blogs @ 10:54 AM

3 Comments:

hmmm.... y should u feel guilty when u are being honest???? hehe

By  Anonymous, at August 16, 2005 8:11 PM  

hmmm.... y should u feel guilty when u are being honest???? hehe

By  Anonymous, at August 16, 2005 8:11 PM  

guilty lah.. i cant see a face of rejection... mcm my fault kan kalau gitu...

By  Anonymous, at August 16, 2005 9:24 PM  

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