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Sunday, July 31, 2005

e' sporean blogs: Simple Plan - Untitled

Potrait of Someone Screaming
(c)ZuLdaniaL
.
I open my eyes
I try to see but
Im blinded by the white light
I cant remember how
I cant remember why
Im lying here tonight
.
And I cant stand the pain
And I cant make it go away
No I cant stand the pain
.
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Ive got no where to run
The night goes on
As Im fading away
Im sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
.
Everybodys screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
Im slipping off the edge
Im hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
.
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I cant explain what happened
And I cant erase the things that Ive done
No I cant
.
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Ive got no where to run
The night goes on
As Im fading away
Im sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
.
I made my mistakes
Ive got no where to run
The night goes on
As Im fading away
Im sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

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he' blogs @ 10:42 PM

Friday, July 29, 2005

e' sporean blogs: An optimist or a pessimist?

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Damasutra - Asyik

The difference between an optimist and a pessimist ??
An optimist laughs to forget and a pessimist forgets to laugh....

.

THE DICTIONARY

optimistic
adj
1: expecting the best in this best of all possible worlds; "in an optimistic mood"; "optimistic plans"; "took an optimistic view"
2: expecting the best; "an affirmative outlook"

pessimistic
adj
expecting the worst in this worst of all possible worlds

.

Smiling Face
(c)ZuLdaniaL

.

THE OVERVIEW

how many a times when we are faced with problems or set backs, we tend to take it out on others... we tend to throw our tantrums... and every little thing that people ard us says.. tends to spark off that anger in us... when in the first place... the people we throw these emotions at are never the people who started it all...

have u ever tried otherwise?? showing that lovely sweet smile of yours to others.. and giving people the impression that you are in a good mood... and dat no problems could get you worked out...

personally, i tried... to a certain extend... its a good feeling when everyone ard you just finds you approachable... but how long can dat smile stay?? too much pretenses could get things worst... but to show otherwise... would do injustice to myself...

im a human myself... im not prefect.. i trip... i fall.. i am clumsy in my own way... i say stuffs at the wrong time sometimes... im just not prefect... and as a human.. nobody is...

so.. i guess my point is... there is no such thing as an optimist or pessimist... as a human.. i guess everyone has each of it... it just depends on the situation whereby each individuals would potray either one of it... so be it u laugh to forget... or u forget to laugh... each individuals has their rights...

and so the table is turned ard to the person receiving it on the other line... i guess how you deal with that situation matters most... coz no human, in their correct state of mind, would hurt another on purpose... well, at least that would be the case for me....

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he' blogs @ 1:17 AM

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

e' sporean blogs: Another.... 12 hour addiction

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Glenn Fredly - Januari

about a few weeks back... zulherman and myself was addicted to AXL - Andai Dapat Ku Undurkan Masa.... about 3 days back... there was another addiction... however, we could not figure out the singer and the title of the said addiction... until today.. i was just lying on my bed... my bro was using the comp... and suddenly what i heard coming from the comp struck me... IT WAS THE ADDICTION! I quickly spring myself up in a sitting position and asked my brother... "When did i download this song???"... and it was later he told me that he was the one who downloaded... hmphhh.. coincidence??? well, anyway... thanks bro... was cracking my brain for the addiction... so, here i present to you all... the 2nd 12 hour addiction....
.

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he' blogs @ 3:19 AM

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

e' sporean blogs: Birthday Blowout

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Dayang Nurfaizah - Coretan Cinta

25.07.2005 - The day BT NPC Team Alpha has been waiting for... a karaoke session was organized to celebrate Jerald's 23rd bdae.... Location: a karaoke lounge at serangoon gardens... On top of that, it was a good time for the team to bond together.... esp with the arrival of our new team leader...

It was a major turn out by the team as the whole team had made an effort to come down.. although some stayed only for a while.. it was the thoughts of coming down that matters i guess...

and never would you expect... despite the numerous criticism given to taufik batisah by our team mates... his song, 'I Dream' was sang by the team mates a couple of times... hypocritical side of the team heh??
.

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he' blogs @ 2:30 AM

Friday, July 22, 2005

e' sporean blogs: Blessing

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Siti Nordiana feat. Achik (Spin) - Restu

I frequently asked to myself
Till when....
Will our relationship be protected?

And I know that...
As long as the LORD allows..
We will continue...

I truely pray everyday...
Hoping from the LORD...
so that HE will bless our relationship...
That is so pure and true....

Your sincerity...
Your truthfullness...
Creates this happiness in my life....

Im leaving it to the LORD...
So that our wishes do come true....
And together...
We will walk the correct path

May I ask what is your dream, my love??
Mine is that I want you to remain true to me..
What else do you want??
Cause I am going to prove...
That all my promises to you are true....

You are the only one that I love...
The only one that i miss...
When will the time come for us to say goodbye?
Cause I seriously hope you would never change...
Forever....

We just have to pray....
So that fate...
Will not seperate us....
And will not hurt us...

"indirect english translation to the song Siti Nordiana feat. Achik (Spin) - Restu... salt and pepper have been added to the lyrics to give it a new flavour..."



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he' blogs @ 3:14 AM

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

e' sporean blogs: The Past - The Sin

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: R. Kelly - Fiesta

Hard Rock Cafe
(c)ZuLdaniaL

.

.

During that period, I would not deny.. It had been the most joyful moment of my life.. I wouldnt care less about what people think.. my only concern was to enjoy myself... It was my time.. my period... and im sure others do have their own peak period themselves...

But I wouldnt also deny... during that period.. I have sinned... A LOT... an ISLAM who totally forgots about his rules...

sins..

Sins...

SIns..

SINs....

SINS....

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Mystique
(c)ZuLdaniaL

.

But again... I wouldnt be the person I am now if it wasnt for all my past.... I wouldnt have realised.. I wouldnt have known... Living in that life has shown me a lot.... Ive learnt a lot... The friends ive made in that period has opened my eyes to see the different characters of people... has thought me a lot about friends.. those who would stay in times of needs.. and those who would stay in times of enjoyment...

For now, i just got sick of stepping into a club... I guess my period has ended...

and now im moving on....

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he' blogs @ 2:53 PM

Monday, July 18, 2005

e' sporean blogs: Lil' Update

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Exist - Hilang Dalam Ramai

"The journey of life is like a man riding a motorcycle.
We know he got on the motorcycle and started to move.
We know that at some point he will stop and get off.
We know that if he stops moving and does not get off he will fall off."

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he' blogs @ 4:26 PM

Thursday, July 14, 2005

e' sporean blogs: Holidays

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Data - Mengulit Kenangan

it had been a quiet late afternoon... i was just sitting infront of my cupboard looking at some of the stuffs that i have been collecting.. and i came across an album...

an album of pictures from my last holiday trip... A Cruise with my team mates... it had been fun... and i wonder when will i ever get a chance to travel again... when will my schedule stop being so tight....

urghhh!! i badly need a holiday.. a holiday from the hectic work life of a typical singaporean...

anyway, here's a video i made collated from the pictures of the holiday trip... it is not of a good quality thou... so just bear with the bad quality and unprofessionalism....
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Super Star Virgo
(c)ZuLdaniaL
'the unprofessional video producer'

[ See the Video ]

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he' blogs @ 11:08 PM

Sunday, July 10, 2005

e' sporean blogs: When They Meet Again


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he' blogs @ 3:28 PM

Friday, July 08, 2005

e' sporean blogs: After Weeks of Searching... I Finally Found It!



basically, the song is about this couple who are very much in love with each other... and everything in their life just doesnt seemed right when they are really missing each other a lot...
5 comments


he' blogs @ 3:26 PM

Thursday, July 07, 2005

e' sporean blogs: London Bombings

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: 2play feat Raghav n' Naila Boss - It Cant Be Right

Not another!!! why cant we just simply live in peace.... what the heck is their problem?? im sick of hearing another country being blast up.... mayb bcoz we r partly affected... and it just adds on to the workload that is already so bad... but dont worry guys... the force will do their part in keeping SINGAPORE a safe country to live in... cheers!

aniwae... ive added links for your reading purposes so that you can keep yourself updated.. check it out while it is still available on the internet...

LONDON - Four blasts rocked the London subway and tore open a packed double-decker bus during the morning rush hour Thursday, sending bloodied victims fleeing in the worst attack on London since World War II. Three U.S. law enforcement officials said at least 40 people were killed and London hospitals reported more than 350 wounded in the terror attacks. [ The Full Coverage News ]


[ The Gallery of the Bombings ]

[ The Video Footages ]
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he' blogs @ 11:40 PM

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

e' sporean blogs: A Day Trip to Thailand

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Mario Winans feat P Diddy - I Dont Wanna Know

met up wit an old friend of mine, bai(her name in short)... very old indeed... 9 years of friendship... been a while since i did meet up with her... lots have changed... but i guess she still have that uniqueness in her... FOOD... dat is a topic that would get her excited... ask her anything about that... and she can tell u lots of things... let me introduce to you... Miss who knows the best places and the best food.....

so she brought me to a thai restaurant... somewhere that i have never been in to dine actually... Thai Express... our chosen outlet: Holland Village

why holland v u may asked.... i guess its because it been a long time too that i actually stepped foot there... drove past.... hmphhh.. a lot of times.. but to step foot.. i guess it had been years.. the last i could remember was when i was 14 when my cousin still lived there...

so... we were faced with the menu on our table... the moment i opened the menu... first thing in my mind.. gosh! i dont know what im gonna have... lucky for me.. i had my great food advisor... hahaha... she made choosing so much easier... and so we ordered the following:

my comments after trying out the food? simply fantastic... i would recommend u guys to try if u have not... i had the 'fire' fried kway teow... its satisfying to my taste buds and filling to my stomach... thumbs up to the people at thai express of holland village... the service there was not too bad... most of the time i was attended to by the assistant manager who was a great person to talk to.. she made me quite at home... hahaha...

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he' blogs @ 11:22 PM

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

e' sporean blogs: The 12 Hour Addiction

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: AXL's - Andai Dapat Ku Undur Masa

was doing nite shift last night... and for the entire shift... zulherman and i was singing this song... which we had no freaking idea who the singer and title is... asked ard and everybody has like no freaking clue.... its only thanks to aishah when i came home and i asked her about it... within 5 minutes of thinking.. she got it... and it ended the uninteresting way of searching for the singer and the title... Let me introduce to u the song that had got me addicted during the 12 hour shift...





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he' blogs @ 9:10 PM

Saturday, July 02, 2005

e' sporean blogs: Another officer... DEAD!

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Timberland, Magoo feat Fat Man Scoop - Now Drop

Police corporal found dead with gunshot wound to head
By S Ramesh, Channel NewsAsia

SINGAPORE: A Police National Service Special Constabulary corporal was found dead with a gunshot wound to his head.

Corporal Arvin, in his early 20s, was found in a gymnasium at the Yishun North Neighbourhood Police Centre on Saturday morning.

A Police statement says Corporal Arvin had reported for duty and drawn his service revolver from the armoury at 7.30pm on Friday.

He was then deployed for patrol duty with a colleague.

At about 4am the next day, they returned to the neighbourhood police centre for a rest before resuming other duties.

But at about 6.50am, Corporal Arvin was found missing and a search commenced.

Fifteen minutes later, he was found in the gymnasium on the fourth level of the centre.

He had a gunshot wound to his head.

The service revolver was found beside him and a single discharged round was found in the chamber of the revolver.

Police said there were no signs of struggle and the case has been classified as unnatural death. - CNA/ir


Gunshot to the Head
(c)ZuLdaniaL

ps: to officers out there.. hope we dont have to see such an incident happening again... its sad to see an equipment that we could use in times of danger is used against our ownselves.... hope the picture makes you think twice...
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he' blogs @ 9:59 PM

Friday, July 01, 2005

e' sporean blogs: A Confession

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Newboyz - Masih ada Cinta

A true life account story.....

"Names have been changed in the story to protect the identity of the person's involved... Permission has been seeked from the parties prior to posting it on the blog... Story not meant to humiliate the parties invloved but to be shared as a learning value to all..."

INTRODUCTION

A recent meeting with a friend of mine proved to be one that was heartbreaking.... As my friend reveals the story of his love life.... FAIRUS, was known by his peers as someone who always seemed cheerful and took problems quite easily as it comes... But behind those cheerful look, even I could not imagine that there was something that has been troubling him all along... It was this thing called 'love'...

THE FIRST STEP

Fairus and Lynn met after getting to know each other through this famous way of getting to know more friends which is called the 'MIRC - Mass Internet Relay Chat'... The first time he laid his eyes on her, he thought to himself that this was one of the marvelous creations of God sent to him.... He couldnt believe his eyes... He knew somehow or rather that this was not just another meet that would end up being nothing in the end...

Surprisingly, She sees him in the same manner as he did.. It was Lynn that confessed her feelings to him initially... However, Fairus has been in a lot of failed relationships and at that current time, he do not see himself being able to commit himself to her... He just do not want to end up with another failure relationship... Thus, he turned down Lynn's love towards him and told her to keep it as friends first....

Lynn, was of coz dissapointed... But i guess it was her belief and sixth sense that kept her going... She just kept falling in love with Fairus even thou Fairus keep giving her the cold shoulder and the dont bother attitude... On Fairus part, he was just afraid to commit himself... he does not want to see himself getting hurt... although he was attracted to Lynn, he still kept on denying that fact whenever Lynn was around....

It was only later that Fairus realised that Lynn was sincere about getting into a relationship with him... Her sincerity and seriousness moved him as he had never met a girl that would go to that extend for him... So, he agreed and they took a step further into the relationship... However, fear was still in his heart... and he did not commit himself fully to her yet... I guess its just him.. he never ever did commit himself during the initial stage.. Coz to him, it takes time to build love....


Getting into the Relationship
(c)ZuLdaniaL

THE TWIST

It was somewhere during the first month of their relationship that Fairus made a mistake in this relationship of his... Back then, it was boredom that first led him to the mistake... He re-connected himself to this world called the MIRC... there he met this another girl by the name of Mira... They met up...

Lust got the better of him and he and Mira landed up in a hotel room where they had sexual intercourse... That was the end between he and Mira... A one night stand... He kept the incident from Lynn so as not to complicate matters further...

As time passes... the love between Fairus and Lynn grew stronger... Fairus was beginning to commit himself to Lynn a little at a time...

Somewhere during the third month, Mira came back to his life... She asked to meet up with Fairus as she missed being with him... In other words.. she just wants to get laid again... Fairus turned down her offer.. and told her that he is currently attched and is in the midst of committing himself... Mira told him that she herself was attached... But lust is a total different thing.. she told him that nobody would know about them meeting up if the matter was kept between themselves... Furthermore, their meet would only take place at the hotel... and they would leave right after.... Mira was persistant thou Fairus keep turning down the offer.... She further mentioned that this would be their last and she would not bother Fairus again... He was not able to get Mira of his back... Fearing that one day Lynn might find out about the earlier incident as Mira was very persistant started to form up within Fairus. Fairus also feared that she would go to any extend to make sure she gets what she want.

Finally, Fairus agreed to her demands... He thought to himself.. this would be the last! That would be all.. and Mira is going to leave him alone.... he lied to lynn telling her that he would be out clubbing with the guys in order to be able to go out in the wee hours without being suspected of anything just to satisfy Mira's last request...

The fourth month... the fifth... Fairus love towards Lynn grew stronger... Lynn was everything that matters to him... She meant the universe... She was all that he wants in his life.. He just wants Lynn to be there with him till his old age... He had never fallen in love with someone this much before... At the same time, Lynn was also very much in love with Fairus... It was a relationship that wasnt one sided but was one where both parties gives their most love... But besides the love that he has for Lynn, there was dark secret about Mira that Fairus kept away from Lynn...

There were a couple of times that Fairus wanted to inform Lynn about the incident.. But everytime he saw the look on Lynn's face... The look that says she is happy being with him... and she loves Fairus very much.. Fairus just 'chickened out'... He could not bear to tell Lynn and break her heart....

But keeping it away from her was just as bad... Fairus could not go on keeping her in the dark.. he do not want Lynn to find out about the matter herself.. and feels that she is being played out like a fool... Fairus knows that feeling very well as it has been something that he has been encountering in his past relationships... He bled in his heart everytime he is with Lynn... but yet.. tried to put on his cheerful face...

THE CONFESSION

It was somewhere close to their sixth month... They went out... and Fairus thought of going to the place where they first went when they met up... they sat there in each others arms... Memories of their love and how it all started came reflecting back... he thought to himself.. would this relationship be able to last... he could not bear spearation with her as by this time.. he was totally in love with her... the thoughts of separation was simply unbearable... She was all that matters in his life....

Mira came into his thoughts... he very much want to tell Lynn but was afraid of the circumstances.. would she leave him for that fact?? would their relationship suffer due to that... but keeping it from her was just as bad... he no longer want Lynn to be kept in the dark like a fool... he pitied the thought of Lynn suffering in a world where she is kept in the dark...

Lynn sensed something amissed... she told Fairus to tell her what is going on in his mind... she begged... she knew something is wrong and that there was something that Fairus was keeping in his heart and that he was unwilling to tell....


The Tears
(c)ZuLdaniaL

All Fairus did was to hug her tight as tears roll down... telling her nothing was wrong... he just loved her so much and missed her badly.... Lynn kept forcing for him to tell what is wrong... and he just felt bad not having the courage to tell her... he kept looking at her... looked into her eyes... to him... he just wanna have a last good look at her... just in case when he confessed, Lynn might just walk away and refused to meet him ever....

As tears overflowed his eyes... he just hugged Lynn... and said sorry... when being asked what was he sorry for... Fairus confessed... ive fooled around behind your back.... he held on tight to Lynn... not wanting to let her go.... He felt Lynn just sat there lifeless... He knew that she was in a state of shocked and dissappointment... Fairus confessed everything... Lynn then told him to make a move from the place they were sitting and head back home....

As they walked... there was silence between them... he thought that by telling her.. he would feel better as it was something that he had kept to himself for a long time... But he was wrong.. it made him even worst... Fairus just felt disguested at himself.. He was angry at himself for landing Lynn up in such a state... She was so nice to him and yet he did such a thing to her.. to betray her of her trust... and causing such great damage to the love they have... he was very much sorry for what had happened....

As they walked in silence... Lynn just broke down and cried... all that came out from her mouth was... "how could you do this to me??".... Fairus just held on her tight... he could feel that Lynn's legs was giving way... a sign of dissappointment... a sign of shocked....

THE PRESENT

Currently, they are still together... Lynn told him not to rake the past up... and told him not to ever do this to her again... Told Fairus to gain her trust back coz she no longer trusted him the way before... he guessed that it was the love they had that had made her go on...

Fairus just hoped that everything would go back the way it was before.. them being in love with each other... smiling and being happy for the strong sense of relationship that they never had ever in their lifetime before... He do not want this to end... and he is trying his best to win her back... and for her to love and trust him the way it was before.... he sweared he would never ever want to hurt Lynn ever again.....
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he' blogs @ 10:05 AM