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Friday, July 01, 2005

e' sporean blogs: A Confession

ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Newboyz - Masih ada Cinta

A true life account story.....

"Names have been changed in the story to protect the identity of the person's involved... Permission has been seeked from the parties prior to posting it on the blog... Story not meant to humiliate the parties invloved but to be shared as a learning value to all..."

INTRODUCTION

A recent meeting with a friend of mine proved to be one that was heartbreaking.... As my friend reveals the story of his love life.... FAIRUS, was known by his peers as someone who always seemed cheerful and took problems quite easily as it comes... But behind those cheerful look, even I could not imagine that there was something that has been troubling him all along... It was this thing called 'love'...

THE FIRST STEP

Fairus and Lynn met after getting to know each other through this famous way of getting to know more friends which is called the 'MIRC - Mass Internet Relay Chat'... The first time he laid his eyes on her, he thought to himself that this was one of the marvelous creations of God sent to him.... He couldnt believe his eyes... He knew somehow or rather that this was not just another meet that would end up being nothing in the end...

Surprisingly, She sees him in the same manner as he did.. It was Lynn that confessed her feelings to him initially... However, Fairus has been in a lot of failed relationships and at that current time, he do not see himself being able to commit himself to her... He just do not want to end up with another failure relationship... Thus, he turned down Lynn's love towards him and told her to keep it as friends first....

Lynn, was of coz dissapointed... But i guess it was her belief and sixth sense that kept her going... She just kept falling in love with Fairus even thou Fairus keep giving her the cold shoulder and the dont bother attitude... On Fairus part, he was just afraid to commit himself... he does not want to see himself getting hurt... although he was attracted to Lynn, he still kept on denying that fact whenever Lynn was around....

It was only later that Fairus realised that Lynn was sincere about getting into a relationship with him... Her sincerity and seriousness moved him as he had never met a girl that would go to that extend for him... So, he agreed and they took a step further into the relationship... However, fear was still in his heart... and he did not commit himself fully to her yet... I guess its just him.. he never ever did commit himself during the initial stage.. Coz to him, it takes time to build love....


Getting into the Relationship
(c)ZuLdaniaL

THE TWIST

It was somewhere during the first month of their relationship that Fairus made a mistake in this relationship of his... Back then, it was boredom that first led him to the mistake... He re-connected himself to this world called the MIRC... there he met this another girl by the name of Mira... They met up...

Lust got the better of him and he and Mira landed up in a hotel room where they had sexual intercourse... That was the end between he and Mira... A one night stand... He kept the incident from Lynn so as not to complicate matters further...

As time passes... the love between Fairus and Lynn grew stronger... Fairus was beginning to commit himself to Lynn a little at a time...

Somewhere during the third month, Mira came back to his life... She asked to meet up with Fairus as she missed being with him... In other words.. she just wants to get laid again... Fairus turned down her offer.. and told her that he is currently attched and is in the midst of committing himself... Mira told him that she herself was attached... But lust is a total different thing.. she told him that nobody would know about them meeting up if the matter was kept between themselves... Furthermore, their meet would only take place at the hotel... and they would leave right after.... Mira was persistant thou Fairus keep turning down the offer.... She further mentioned that this would be their last and she would not bother Fairus again... He was not able to get Mira of his back... Fearing that one day Lynn might find out about the earlier incident as Mira was very persistant started to form up within Fairus. Fairus also feared that she would go to any extend to make sure she gets what she want.

Finally, Fairus agreed to her demands... He thought to himself.. this would be the last! That would be all.. and Mira is going to leave him alone.... he lied to lynn telling her that he would be out clubbing with the guys in order to be able to go out in the wee hours without being suspected of anything just to satisfy Mira's last request...

The fourth month... the fifth... Fairus love towards Lynn grew stronger... Lynn was everything that matters to him... She meant the universe... She was all that he wants in his life.. He just wants Lynn to be there with him till his old age... He had never fallen in love with someone this much before... At the same time, Lynn was also very much in love with Fairus... It was a relationship that wasnt one sided but was one where both parties gives their most love... But besides the love that he has for Lynn, there was dark secret about Mira that Fairus kept away from Lynn...

There were a couple of times that Fairus wanted to inform Lynn about the incident.. But everytime he saw the look on Lynn's face... The look that says she is happy being with him... and she loves Fairus very much.. Fairus just 'chickened out'... He could not bear to tell Lynn and break her heart....

But keeping it away from her was just as bad... Fairus could not go on keeping her in the dark.. he do not want Lynn to find out about the matter herself.. and feels that she is being played out like a fool... Fairus knows that feeling very well as it has been something that he has been encountering in his past relationships... He bled in his heart everytime he is with Lynn... but yet.. tried to put on his cheerful face...

THE CONFESSION

It was somewhere close to their sixth month... They went out... and Fairus thought of going to the place where they first went when they met up... they sat there in each others arms... Memories of their love and how it all started came reflecting back... he thought to himself.. would this relationship be able to last... he could not bear spearation with her as by this time.. he was totally in love with her... the thoughts of separation was simply unbearable... She was all that matters in his life....

Mira came into his thoughts... he very much want to tell Lynn but was afraid of the circumstances.. would she leave him for that fact?? would their relationship suffer due to that... but keeping it from her was just as bad... he no longer want Lynn to be kept in the dark like a fool... he pitied the thought of Lynn suffering in a world where she is kept in the dark...

Lynn sensed something amissed... she told Fairus to tell her what is going on in his mind... she begged... she knew something is wrong and that there was something that Fairus was keeping in his heart and that he was unwilling to tell....


The Tears
(c)ZuLdaniaL

All Fairus did was to hug her tight as tears roll down... telling her nothing was wrong... he just loved her so much and missed her badly.... Lynn kept forcing for him to tell what is wrong... and he just felt bad not having the courage to tell her... he kept looking at her... looked into her eyes... to him... he just wanna have a last good look at her... just in case when he confessed, Lynn might just walk away and refused to meet him ever....

As tears overflowed his eyes... he just hugged Lynn... and said sorry... when being asked what was he sorry for... Fairus confessed... ive fooled around behind your back.... he held on tight to Lynn... not wanting to let her go.... He felt Lynn just sat there lifeless... He knew that she was in a state of shocked and dissappointment... Fairus confessed everything... Lynn then told him to make a move from the place they were sitting and head back home....

As they walked... there was silence between them... he thought that by telling her.. he would feel better as it was something that he had kept to himself for a long time... But he was wrong.. it made him even worst... Fairus just felt disguested at himself.. He was angry at himself for landing Lynn up in such a state... She was so nice to him and yet he did such a thing to her.. to betray her of her trust... and causing such great damage to the love they have... he was very much sorry for what had happened....

As they walked in silence... Lynn just broke down and cried... all that came out from her mouth was... "how could you do this to me??".... Fairus just held on her tight... he could feel that Lynn's legs was giving way... a sign of dissappointment... a sign of shocked....

THE PRESENT

Currently, they are still together... Lynn told him not to rake the past up... and told him not to ever do this to her again... Told Fairus to gain her trust back coz she no longer trusted him the way before... he guessed that it was the love they had that had made her go on...

Fairus just hoped that everything would go back the way it was before.. them being in love with each other... smiling and being happy for the strong sense of relationship that they never had ever in their lifetime before... He do not want this to end... and he is trying his best to win her back... and for her to love and trust him the way it was before.... he sweared he would never ever want to hurt Lynn ever again.....
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