Tuesday, March 14, 2006
e' sporean blogs: The Dream - The Truth
ZuLdaniaL Listening to: Babyface - Loneliness
"...dreamt bout u the past 2 nights.."
"wat about?"
"you were screaming... and apparently, i failed to hear coz i was doing something or conversing wit someone else..."
pause
"are you ok?"
"yup.. i dont find anything amiss..."
"i guess its just a weird dream huh?"
"some things change.. gotta live with it..."
"so there was something?"
"i dont really need this now zul.. not now... really... ive had enuff in my life... just leave it.."
line got disconnected...
its depressing i guess...
wen someone who used to share almost anything under the sun turns their back ard and refused to say whats going on in their life...
what went wrong?
i believed i played a part on that.. my sudden disapearance could have caused such major change in youself towards me... and somehow deep down.. i felt like im such a jerk for doing what i have done...
u never ever did turn ur back against me... why should i in the first place..?
but no matter how much i want to explain myself.. you will never see what im facing.. will never understand what im going through.. it was almost of no use to get everything out of my chest...
i am in my own world of denial...
i pretended everything was fine.. i keep forcing that fake smile on my face... sometimes, i feel so much wanna tell people what actually is happening in my life but what do i get from telling? in the first place.. i dont know where to start...
ive been keeping too much to myself too recently... now why does it affect me much wen someone does the same?
a few days back...
"whats wrong wit u bro? this is so not u!"
"nothing...."
"u wait... dont go yet.. ill meet u where ever u r..."
"dont need ah...im already leaving..."
"Dont! please! you tried hard not to for ages... why now???"
"just felt like it..."
"do u look at me like im ur sister?"
"come on dont do this to me..."
"dont do this to you?? zul... i know u k... this is so not u...!"
"Im at Ang Mo Kio... "
"wait up... ill be there..."
"promise me one thing.."
"what?"
"dont ask me whats wrong..."
pause
"promise me dat..."
"you know me better than that..."
"then dont meet me up.. dont force it out of me.. i already felt this bad.. dont make it worst.. please!"
"you have your say... i am so willing to hear u out.. and if i could reach out to help.. i definitely would... dats it.. we will talk wen we meet..."
everything seemed to have gone out of place nowadays... everything seemed wrong...
i dont know when or why things took a change for me.. a few months back things were a lot better... now i just got this huge burden above my shoulders dat im unable to carry... i feel like im gonna break sooner or later...
is it dat hard to ask for a simple life?
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he' blogs @ 8:50 PM
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born in 1983. an online journal of a singaporean born malay guy. living in the heart of singapore - Ang Mo Kio. his ups. his downs. his experiences. captured in this one fabulous thing called - BLOG. contactable at xrayromeo@hotmail.com
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